Thinking positive is pretty easy when everything is going right. But when we're having a pretty poop time, and we hear the words 'just stay positive' or 'just think positive', it can make you want to scream and launch something heavy in that persons direction.
Despite having a bit of a crappy time, almost 18 months worth of constant knock backs, I've started to develop an 'eh, it could be worse' attitude that I never thought I'd have. I'm not the kind of person who can take criticism and soldier on like nothing is happening for very long. I have the habit of being very strong for awhile and then crumbling into a mess.
For me, it has been this constant swing of being 'strong' and getting things done, and then struggling to get up in the morning because I'm both terrified and just tired of life. There seems to be no in between, and for awhile I had no enthusiasm for anything, cried a lot and basically just tried to do anything that would stop me from feeling so sick. I do still have days like that, but we're working on it.
Thinking positive is not something I could train myself to do, and I did try. I am no Pollyanna and I never will be. [Pollyanna is a book/film for those who have no idea what I meant just then]. But eventually watching people around me have fun and get where they wanted to be just made me want to shut myself away. I felt like a failure, and the worst part was I had tried damn hard and ended up with some pretty good things under my belt, qualifications, experiences etc. But non of it made me good enough, because the education system is a lie. They tell you pretty paper matters, but they don't tell you how to live, and how to survive both physically and mentally.
Being weather worn, after having so much go wrong in my life, I've just come to accept the good old phrase 'shit happens'. If you can't think positive then trying to force yourself to will probably make you feel worse.
Instead just remember you're not alone.
Shit happens to everyone, we all get it. Sometimes you can go a very long time without it, but other times you're buried under so much you can't even see anymore. If we're lucky, we get a steady stream of it thrown at us, so we can deal with it a bit at a time, never really having a respite, leaving us totally drained. But whatever you're going through there is a HUGE chance that there are hundreds, maybe thousands of people out there that are going, or have been through the same thing.
So instead of thinking positive, I just make sure there is something I enjoy everyday. This is anything from doing something crafty, or having a nice bath with some Lush things, or a couple of hours to play a game, or sticking my headphones in and lip singing. You need an hour or two every day just to be you, away from school and work, away from drama... and there is no reason to feel guilty from having that time to yourself, if you need it, take it.
:-)
